I’m not ready for change. I’m not ready for university. How am I going to handle being alone?
Lately I have been thinking about university. I’m living on a countdown. The clock keeps ticking closer and closer to the inevitable. I’m nervous and finding it hard to see the good in my future. I feel too stupid, introverted and weak for university.
I’m scared. I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of not being able to handle it. I’m scared of people getting into my personal space. I’m scared of the future and of failure.
Time has stopped. My days are full of calm fun things. I have no schedule and no deadlines. The end of my gap year has been refreshingly peaceful. But the closer it has gotten to September, the louder the clock. Each second closer to university weighing down on me.
I’m probably just overthinking. In the long run this will be good for me. Education wise it’s a brilliant choice and will help me with my (debt filled) adult life. It’s an adventure. I will grow. I will learn. I will manage.
But right now time has stood still. I am enjoying it. I am cherishing these moments of calm and quiet. These moments that lack stress and worry. The moments where I am happy with my family or out with friends. Time has stood still for a while and I thrived in it. But in this quiet serenity there has always been the countdown to university.
The little tick tock of destiny…
and the ticking of the clock is getting louder.